Gee, you'd think I did one dry-run of homeschooling and then went into hiding from the traumatic experience, for all the blogging I've done since then. :) Not the case.
But in this time, some pseudo-decisions have come to pass. They involved hormones and crying, but they were productive tears! I was frustrated with the status of my Pampered Chef business (which is pretty much no status at all), which led to another conversation where Hubby reminds me that I need to learn to be content with where I am in life, with the job I've been given, before I try to seek my contentment outside of the house with Pampered Chef, or Lindt (yes, Lindt now has chocolate parties, mwahaha), or anything else.
I agree with him, but the tears came in when I finally explained that I had a bunch of "I don't know's" in my "job": my PC business isn't working, should I continue? just how many people am I supposed to be cooking and cleaning for? and I don't even know what my kids will be doing for school in the fall?! (My 7yo continues to tell me that she doesn't like going to school. Sigh.)
This led to a homeschooling discussion where I think I have at least partial permission to homeschool my 7yo, but we're still discussing my 4yo. We need to process through how the kids will be socialized, what activities they'll be in, how you learn to deal with people you don't get along with, what about pep rallies and prom and typical school milestones... The praying continues.
But it also clarified my role as MomAndWife. Being a PC consultant (and my consideration of joining Lindt, too) is born out of wanting to do something big, something important, something I can really dig into and become successful at, and something that people will need me for. But the other half is that I want to help, help hubby with finances, help our family with extra money, help people (and us) get things they need/want. Hubby reconfirmed my role as one of supporting, not providing. (And, just to be sure, I reconfirmed that he meant I had permission to resign from Pampered Chef; we decided to let my website subscription run out and then stop.) My business is going nowhere (though not from any outside influence except that I'm not fully trying), and I really have no desire to make it go anywhere, and the random purchases that I do get aren't enough to keep me active. And it's pulling my attention away from my kids, which, if I admit it, is something big, is something important, is something I can really dig into and become successful at, and is something that people need me for. Some very special, very sweet, very important people. I'm just hoping to help Hubby understand that adding their schooling to my job description will actually feel more complete, not more stressful and burdened.
On a side note, I was so completely psyched over the weekend when I discovered that the writer of one of my favorite blogs, One Hundred Years Ago, has started following my blog!!!!!!! I've learned so much over the last year about telling people how you feel, saying it to them directly, because you often don't know how much it will mean to them for you to be intentional and sincere. And I have found the same is true of blogging: never underestimate the power of leaving a comment, becoming a follower, making a mention... I have five happy little followers now, and one is actually someone I don't know, but found my blog interesting enough to add her name to! I am so grateful, Alicia Grace. You have no idea.