It's my blog, and I'll emotionally core dump if I want to. I'm tired, and I'm depleted, and I want a nap. (Yes, I realize it's only 6:10 in the morning.)
I'm tired of not sleeping through the night; and I'm tired in general of the last two nights, not knowing whether a certain precious little 4yo boy will be in his bed, my bed, or hovered over the toilet.
I'm tired of not knowing who's going to be living in my house in the next three weeks. And I'm tired of listening to one of those people putting herself first, dumping decisions on her husband, expecting him to think of her first, but her not really doing anything to make him want to. (Even if that's not how it happens.)
I'm tired of not getting to bed on time, leading to me not getting up as early as I should, leading to me not exercising, leading to me staying the same stupid weight and size and fluffiness that I am, leading me to eat more ice cream out of depression, shooting myself in my proverbial foot.
I'm tired of being lazy and not feeling like getting work done around the house, but then I'm tired of having uber-productive days and feeling like I've ignored my kids and said "not right now, honey" too much. I'm tired of being unbalanced.
I'm tired of short-changing my husband on the wife he deserves. I'm tired of feeling like "right on, I've got this make-breakfast-pack-lunch-out-the-door routine nailed" then realizing I've lost something super important like a paycheck.
I'm actually tired of my summer going too fast, and wanting to hang on to it for a while. (And I'm especially tired of that because that's never happened before.)
I'm tired of money issues and trying to make lots of bills get paid from money that seems to disappear on it's own. (I am, however, very thankful for my husband's job that does make enough to pay our bills. I know, only too recently, what it's like not to have that.)
I'm tired of worrying who my children are bothering, and worrying who's bothering my children.
I'm tired. And depleted. Inside my armor is a child, and I'm dropping my sword.