Thursday, June 23, 2011

I spread out my hands.

I have GOT to get back into the Bible. A friend of mine on FB posted tonight, "...having to trust God on what He has in store for us... :)" and I thought...yeah. I need to be that automatic with taking my troubles to God. I think my exact response to her was, "I ♥ that you automatically (or it seems, anyway :) ) go straight to trying to trust God for what's coming. I have GOT to do that more...get back to trusting the Source of the future, not just lamenting the now."

Why do I keep forgetting that He's in charge??? Man, I am so good at doing the put-upon act that I could probably even start blaming GOD if I'm not careful!! "Well, God, you know, you're throwing an awful lot of things at could ease up a little..." Wow, Carrie. How 'bout you sit in time-out for a little while and think about what you just said. (Or so I'd probably say to my kids.)

Budget issues. Hobbies. Messy house. Unappreciative kids. Messed-up priorities. Live-in parents and in-laws. All these things have become sources of bitterness for me (something I'm prone to already), when really they should be numbers 1-6 on my worry prayer list.

I get so bogged down in the "how do I do this prayer thing, this turn-everything-over-to-God thing?" that I become a perfectionist about it and end up doing nothing because I can't start out doing it just right. When really, all I have to do is get on my knees next to my bed (although I may even have to give up that pretty picture) and spread out my hands and say, "I give!!! I've got nothing. I'm at the end of my rope. I feel like nothing is going my way; I feel like no one appreciates or respects what I do; I feel like I'm taken for granted. I don't feel like I'm LIVING my life; I feel like my life is simply happening to me. Give me the strength to keep going, to keep doing day after day, when it seems like I'm the only one who cares!!" ("Oh, and p.s., forgive my self-centered attitude.")

There. How hard was that. It flowed, typed pretty easy. When I get down to the bottom of me, I know what I need to pray for. And I'm just shooting myself in the foot by not...simply...doing it. No matter how pretty - or not - it sounds.

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